I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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