i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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