Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if only i could text you this smell
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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