her vagine was all disorganized.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
