I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dear god my vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
