Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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