u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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