So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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