In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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