I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
