I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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