@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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