I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you had me at cake vodka
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
