Need sex. Gaining weight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
