if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
