rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
