and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
