Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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