her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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