remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
