i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
