i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
