Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
