At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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