Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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