yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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