last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
