Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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