you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
