I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
