In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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