Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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