While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
