Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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