do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
