get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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