I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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