I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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