lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
