OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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