p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
