whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
