I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
