Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
