jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
