the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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