So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
