Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
