It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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