I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dear god my vagina.
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