break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
