cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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