fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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