Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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