Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
